Looking back over my life, my deepest wounds were losing my children. My ex-husband refused to allow me to have any custody. If I wanted to see them, it had to be with him in a supervised setting. Then, when I finally surrendered to the situation, I got involved with my good friend that I had known forever, and the same thing happened again. After being blindsided by a domestic violent situation, I tried to leave with my son, but He took me to court and used my previous court battle against me.

I didn't get to raise my children. I've always been a part of their life, but it was never a normal situation.

By the time I was thirty-five, my sanity spiraled. I had just endured a cerebellar stroke and T.B.I. that almost took my life. I remember crying out to God in sheer desperation. I sat in my car, completely broken, and screamed, "Why do you hate me!?"

I couldn't understand why my life was so bad. I just wanted answers, and I wanted the pain to go away.

God didn't take my pain away, but He did let me know He could relate to me. I remember clear as day a message coming through. He too had been where I was. He didn't say a word, and he didn't have to. I just saw His reality for the first time.

He created all of us in our mother's womb. He spent nine months carefully creating human life. To hand us over to a world that has fallen into darkness. And like me, constantly fighting my ex in court, He too is fighting to get us back into the light with Him.

He knows what it feels like to lose His children, and then spend every waking hour trying to get us back.

Our story was the same. I felt guilty for feeling the way I felt once I saw the reality God was living in. Though I somehow felt comfort knowing I wasn't alone. I didn't think anyone could understand my heartbreak and pain, let alone the one who created me.

God ultimately restored peace throughout our lives. I didn't get my kids back the way I'd hoped, but now we all co-parent well, and I don't have to fight to see my children anymore.

Though I don't think the inner fight will ever leave me. That's all I know, but now, instead of fighting for my own children, I get to help God fight for His.